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Rant Archive - December 2005

December 31, 2005 - A QUICK RIDE TO THE POST OFFICE

We had unbelievable weather today. I never would have guessed that on the final day of 2005, December 31st, the temps would be in the lower fifties but man it was great! Of course I was itching to ride but I had to sit down and pay the monthly bills before I could really do anything fun. I finally finished up around 11:00 and by that time the wife was well into a painting project she had started the day before. Knowing this was my opportunity, I said goodbye and that I was headed to the post office to mail the bills. She gave me that "who are you kidding, I know you're going for a ride" look and after a quick smooch I was headed out to ride... uh, I mean to the post office.

I really did start towards the local post office, which is only about three miles away, but I just wasn't having any fun going there. (The wife knows me way too well.) I thought for a minute and then it hit me. Readyville, Tennessee has a post office. I have ridden through the small town which is Southeast of Nashville many times and have always noticed the tiny little post office that "is" the town. It would be perfect! The roads between here and there are awesome, and I could mail my bills there! So turning Southeast I was on my way. As I anticipated, the sixty mile round trip ride was great. No traffic on the backroads, warm temperatures, sunshine, the smell of farmers burning brush in the air... man it was awesome! Oh...and I got my bills mailed too... it was the best two-hour trip to the post office I've ever had!

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December 30, 2005 - WHAT A KNUCKLEHEAD

For Christmas this year I got a couple of Harley Davidson T-Shirts. My mom did a great job of picking out some cool ones but she forgot that I am well past my Large stage and on into the XL stage of life! (I am working on it!) So, since I was off work today, the wife and I set out early on an exchange mission. Despite the warm weather, there was only one bike in the parking lot when we arrived and no waiting at the motor-clothes counter. I got the exchange done with no hassle when out of the corner of my eye I spotted one of the display bikes. I've been in this store a million times but never paid much attention to this particular bike... mostly because it's hidden in the back corner of the store.

The somewhat hidden jewell is a 1946 EL61 Knucklehead and is one of the bikes that defines old-school. In particular, The springer front end, T-Bar seat (that I'm sure would be pretty uncomfortable) and the teardrop tool box are way cool! And speaking of cool... The Knucklehead engine is the coolest! It's the kind of bike that you could just stare at for hours or at least until your wife says it's time to go. Since I almost always have a camera with me, I took a few shots before the call to leave came. Check out the pictures by CLICKING HERE.

Harley Davidson first introduced the EL61 Knucklehead on November 25, 1935. Technically a 1936 model, the bike featured a Knucklehead engine, replacing the Flathead which had been in use since 1909. The Knucklehead got it's name because the chrome heads looked like the back of your hand when making a fist. It was the first Harley engine to use overhead valves and literally set the standard for every Big Twin engine to follow... including the Panhead, Shovelhead, Evolution, Twin Cam 88 and Revolution. Initially available in a 60 inch version, in 1941 the Knucklehead was increased to 74 inches and produced 45 horsepower. Cost brand new in 1946? A mere $464.

Check out pictures of this awesome Knucklehead by CLICKING HERE.

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December 27, 2005 - TODAY WAS ABSOLUTE TORTURE

Had a great four days off of work for the Christmas Holiday and then headed back to work this morning. When I started out at 6:00am I noticed that the fleece lined vest I had put on just wasn't going to cut it. Now, being that it's almost January you probably think I am saying that the vest wasn't enough to keep me warm... wrong! The fact is I was burning up!. I had to turn off the heat in the car and by the time I finished my thirty minute commute I had the window down with my elbow hanging out in a perfect "I'm on vacation" position! By the afternoon the sun was shinning bright and it was a balmy sixty degrees. Being stuck at work on a rare beautiful winter day while three motorcycles sat idle in my garage was absolute torture! If I weren't an honest man I would have surely come down with a case of Spring-itis and headed home for an afternoon of two-wheeled indulgence. But... as you have guessed by now, I stayed there cranking out graphics for an upcoming trade show, occasionally staring out the window. The bad thing is that I was so busy I didn't even take a lunch so the sun never even touched my face. AAAHHHHGGGG! Spring, please come quickly!

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December 25, 2005 - MERRY CHRISTMAS!

About that time Caesar Augustus ordered a census to be taken throughout the Empire. This was the first census when Quirinius was governor of Syria. Everyone had to travel to his own ancestral hometown to be accounted for. So Joseph went from the Galilean town of Nazareth up to Bethlehem in Judah, David's town, for the census. As a descendant of David, he had to go there. He went with Mary, his fiance, who was pregnant.

While they were there, the time came for her to give birth. She gave birth to a son, her firstborn. She wrapped him in a blanket and laid him in a manger, because there was no room in the hotel.

There were sheepherders camping in the neighborhood. They had set night watches over their sheep. Suddenly, God's angel stood among them and God's glory blazed around them. They were terrified. The angel said, "Don't be afraid. I'm here to announce a great and joyful event that is meant for everybody, worldwide: A Savior has just been born in David's town, a Savior who is Messiah and Master. This is what you're to look for: a baby wrapped in a blanket and lying in a manger." At once the angel was joined by a huge angelic choir singing God's praises: Glory to God in the heavenly heights,

As the angel choir withdrew into heaven, the sheepherders talked it over. "Let's get over to Bethlehem as fast as we can and see for ourselves what God has revealed to us." They left, running, and found Mary and Joseph, and the baby lying in the manger. Seeing was believing. They told everyone they met what the angels had said about this child. All who heard the sheepherders were impressed.

Mary kept all these things to herself, holding them dear, deep within herself. The sheepherders returned and let loose, glorifying and praising God for everything they had heard and seen. It turned out exactly the way they'd been told!

Luke 2:1-20 (The Message)

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December 23, 2005 - TWO DAYS BEFORE CHRISTMAS AND FIFTY DEGREES

When I woke up this morning the sun was shinning like crazy! You know what that means... I'm riding! I took the scenic route to the local HD dealership and checked out the pre-Christmas sales. The discounts were mostly on logo'd clothing which were still pretty rich for me. As you probably guessed, tight wad that I am, I didn't buy a darn thing. I think it's a shame that HD has become such a yuppie buzz brand. I love the bikes and have met some very cool people on the local HOG rides but I wish they didn't cater to the posers so much... I know, I know, you cant stop commerce and they exist to make money! I guess I can't really blame them but I'm glad there are companies out there like The Horse Magazine, Flyright Choppers, Sucker Punch Sally's and others that are keeping the old-school, real-deal kulture alive.

But that's enough of that rabbit chase, I could go on forever... from there I headed east out of town and enjoyed some of the awesome backroads of middle Tennessee. If you've not ridden in this awesome motorcycle state before, you should really make plans to visit this summer. The DOT does a fine job of keeping the pavement nice and smooth and the scenery in the middle part of the state is just unbelievable. One of our local bikers, Mike Jones published a book back in 2004 called "The Roads Of Middle Tennessee". which is a comprehensive guide of the best roads in middle Tennessee. It tells you what the best routes are and how to get to them. I use it all the time for my own personal rides as well as planning routes for the group that I lead. Check out Mike's website at www.TennesseeBackroads.com, get one of his books and plan a visit. You won't regret it. Oops, there I go...another rabbit!

Anyway, I ended up getting in about 100 miles before heading back home to the wife. Not exactly an iron butt day but it was a great ride and great weather for December. I mean, come on... two days before Christmas and I'm riding without my Wicked Skull Mask in toasty, fifty degree weather. Thanks Santa! Took a few pictures as usual which are splattered around this post. I won't go into details of how I shot them but I will say "Don't try this at home kids... I am a trained professional!"

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December 22, 2005 - DID YOU NOTICE TODAY WAS LONGER THAN YESTERDAY?

YeeeeeeHaaaaahhhh! Yesterday, December 21st was the Northern Hemisphere's Winter Solstice. Let's have a party! Call all your biker buddies and wish them and theirs a happy Winter Solstice! OK, OK...You're probably asking yourself, what the heck is a Winter Solstice? So let me just tell you. As anyone with a third grade education knows, the earth orbits around the sun but what you may not know (or may have have forgotten by now) is that the earth is slightly tilted in it's orbit. In other words, the north and south pole are not at the top and bottom. Because of this the sun hits different parts of the earth at different times of the year. Half the year it hits the Southern hemisphere and the other half it hits the Northern Hemisphere...home of the good ole USA. The Northern Hemisphere's Winter Solstice occurs when the hemisphere is tilted the furthest away from the sun. This marks the first day of winter (booooohisssss) but also marks the shortest day of the year. So why does this make me so happy? After all, I've said many times on this blog how I hate winter but on a positive note, every day going forward will get a little longer! Yes, we've made it past the shortest day and things are starting to point towards spring! Go ahead...celebrate a little! Before you know it, we'll be back out there without the leathers! Can't wait!

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December 17, 2005 - GETTING MY BRONSON FIX

One of my favorite things to do is hop on the bike, take off in a given direction, find a road I've never been on before and head down it. My wife calls it getting my "Bronson fix". Unless you're my age you probably have no idea what that means but there was a TV series on NBC from 1969 to 1970 called "Then Came Bronson." It was perhaps the coolest TV show ever and starred Michael Parks as Jim Bronson who quit his job and headed out for wider spaces, touring the western United States on his Harley-Davidson Sportster. Each show started with the same scene. Bronson roles up to a stop light and a guy dressed in a suit in a station wagon beside him asks where he's headed. Bronson answers, "Oh, I don't know. Wherever I end up I guess." To which the guy says, "Pal, I wish I was you." The thirty second intro set the tone for each show and touched a nerve in every biker who saw it. How cool would it be to just hop on and head out.. to wherever you end up! Just you, your bike and fate. Sounds pretty good sometimes!

Anyway, it's been a while since I've had one of these little Bronson excursions so I was rarin' to go and despite the forecasted high of only 40 degrees, I made up my mind last night that I was going regardless and set the alarm for 7:00am. After an extended battle with the snooze button, I finally got up, showered, put on my multi-layers of clothing and headed for the garage. It was definitely cold when I uncovered the Sporty and rolled her onto the driveway but she started on the second try and when the oil temp reached 100 degrees I headed out!

For some reason, a lot of my rides usually end up to the east of town so today I purposefully headed west. It took about 10 minutes to get out of the city limits and then it was time to open her up! After about fifteen miles or so I spotted a turn off just ahead to the left and the "Bronson fix" began. As with most backroads in Tennessee it turned out to be perfect for riding! Smooth clear pavement with lots of curves! Some were wide and long, others were short and quick but with each one I discovered new places that I'd never been before. I found a whole little community that I had no idea existed. I discovered some great new views of the Tennessee hills.  It was a great ride,  just me, my bike and destinations unknown! I even stopped at one point and took a few pics of the Sporty just for fun. (see below)

Maybe the coolest part of the day however was the people I came in contact with. I never spoke a word to anyone but for some reason everyone was waving and smiling. Cars that I passed, people working in their yards, construction crews, you name it, they all looked at me as if to say, "Pal, I wish I was you!"

Goin' down that long lonesome highway... gonna live life my way! (Lyric from Then Came Bronson theme song.)

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December 16, 2005 - FROSTBITE IS NOT COOL!

Frostbite is not cool... bad joke I know but true all the same. I found this groovy little chart on the National Weather Service website that shows you just how windchill effects you when you're riding... and where the danger zones are for frostbite. Check it out and get that skin covered before you go riding this winter!

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December 15, 2005 - 'TWAS THE BIKE BEFORE CHRISTMAS

By Swag; Adapted (butchered) from a poem by Clement Clarke Moore

'Twas the bike before Christmas, I wanted at my house, But nobody would listen, not even a mouse!
I'd begged for six months though nobody did care, Still clinging to hope my bike soon would be there.
But now hope was dashed my heart filled with remorse, For tomorrow was Christmas and still no steel horse!
The children were nestled all snug in their beds, While visions of Road Kings danced in my head.
I sat there just pouting in jacket and chaps, and began rationalizing, winter really is crap!  

When out on the lawn there arose such a thunder, that even the dog was awakened in wonder.
Away to the window I flew like a flash, Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.
The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow, Gave the lustre of mid-day to chrome things below.
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear, But four brand new Harleys, one with six gears!  

With a chubby lead rider, so lively and quick, I knew in a moment it must be Biker Nick.
More screaming than eagles his steel horses came, And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;
"Now, Road King! now, Dyna! now, V-Rod and Sporty! The excitement was vast for a man over forty!
They filled up the driveway and man they looked neat! To choose from these beauties would be quite a feat!
So I ran to the garage and outside I flew, Standing there drooling with Biker Nick too.  

His eyes -- how they twinkled when he gave me four keys! They all were mine, and no dealer fees!
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow, But all I could see were four bikes in a row!
The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth, As I jumped on the first one and rolled to the street.
He had a broad face and a little round belly, And like most bikers I know it shook just like jelly.
A wink of his eye and a twist of my wrist, Soon gave me a thrill; a Christmas Eve bliss.  

And laying his finger aside of his nose, he bid me farewell and started to go.
But I heard him exclaim, as he rode out of sight, "Happy Christmas Bro, hope you like your new bikes!"

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December 10, 2005 - THERMOMETER CHECK

At 45 miles per hour the windchill would be 9 below zero!

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December 9, 2005 - KING OF THE DAREDEVILS, EVEL KNIEVEL

Not long ago I was having dinner with a few of the guys I ride with and as happens quite frequently, it didn't take long for the conversation to turn to "war" stories from the old days. No, I'm not talking about the beaches of Normandy, Pearl Harbor or the jungles of Vietnam but battle scars from the glory days of doing stupid things on motorcycles! The tales get taller each time they are told and though they are kind of funny I always walk away happy that most of my stupidity-filled years are behind me and thankful that God protected me from really screwing myself up!

Well, you can't talk about this kind of thing for very long without someone eventually bringing up the legendary Evel Knievel. Anybody who has ever jumped a motorcycle (or bicycle for that matter) over anything must pay homage to the great one… or so I thought. Just as I was explaining how the scar on my left ankle was a result of my Evel Knievel ramp collapsing, the young pup of the group piped up and asked…what's an Evel Knievel ramp? As you can imagine the rest of us froze in our tracks, mouths wide open turning to look in disbelief.

How can anyone remotely interested in motorcycles not know who the World's Greatest Gladiator is? I mean, he is perhaps single handedly responsible for creating the motorcycle craze of the mid 1970's. But that's just it! It struck me that if you were born after 1978 or so, you may not know who Evel Knievel is. Sure, there have been a couple of poorly produced movies and some of his things are in the Smithsonian but in reality not much has been done to preserve his legend to the masses. Why a BIG time movie production company hasn't jumped all over this is beyond me (I can see Russell Crowe in the starring role) but I made up my mind then and there that I would do my little part to make sure the story of Evel Knievel survives. After all, the man was a bonafide super-hero to a whole generation!

Evel Knievel was the greatest daredevil biker there has ever been. He began his daredevil career in 1965 when he formed a troupe called Evel Knievel's Motorcycle Daredevils. It was a touring show in which he performed stunts such as riding through fire walls and jumping over live rattlesnakes and mountain lions. The jumps kept getting longer and on New Years Day 1968, he jumped 151 feet across the fountains in front of Caesar's Palace in Las Vegas, Nevada. The jump was filmed and though he successfully cleared the fountains, his landing was a disaster resulting in injuries that put him in a coma for 30 days.

Believe it or not he bounced back and made several more jumps including one in Seattle where he successfully cleared 13 cars, one in the Houston Astrodome again clearing 13 cars and setting a world record on February 28, 1971 by jumping 19 Dodge cars in Ontario.

With the successes came a few more crashes. On May 10, 1971 Evel crashed in an attempt to clear 13 Pepsi Cola trucks in Yakima, Washington. On March 3, 1972 he suffered serious injuries at San Francisco's Cow Palace when his motorcycle crashed in a much too narrow landing area. He even attempted to jump the Snake River Canyon (Idaho) in 1974 in what was a cross between a motorcycle and a rocket.

On May 31, 1975, over 90,000 people at Wembley Stadium in London, England watched as Evel crashed upon landing, breaking his pelvis after clearing 13 double-tiered buses. Completely dissatisfied with his failure and defiant, he went on to successfully jump 14 Greyhound buses at King's Island in Ohio on October 25, 1975. The event set the all-time ABC's Wide World of Sports TV viewing audience record with an incredible 52% of household share!

In the winter of 1976 Evel was seriously injured during a nationally televised jump where he attempted to clear a tank full of live sharks in the Chicago Amphitheater. Knievel suffered a brain concussion and two broken arms and decided to retire after the performance.

During his career he thrilled millions of people around the world with his death-defying motorcycle jumps and his popular messages to the worlds youth promoting abstinence from drugs and a positive mental attitude. For Evel Knievel, no jump was too long and no challenge too great. The man had no fear and inspired many to believe that they could indeed do anything they set their minds to.

If you don't know of him I strongly recommend you pick up the DVD "Evel Knievel's Spectacular Jumps" produced by a company called KULTUR. The 30 minute DVD contains every famous Knievel jump ever filmed as well as behind the scenes footage. It is a MUST HAVE for any biker.

Oh yeah, one more thing. Last summer, my dad and I actually got the chance to meet the man in person. He was on a tour of Harley stores across the nation and happened to be at our local dealer. He was quite the gentleman and despite being a bit slowed down (now 67 years old) was still carrying the flag for a positive mental attitude. He even posed for a picture with me, which is now an 8x10 shrine on my wall of fame… aka my garage wall! Long live Evel Knievel!

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December 4, 2005 - I'VE BEEN NEGLECTING SUZI

I've been neglecting Suzi lately. I wish I had an excuse but I really don't. I've just been so pre-occupied with the Sportster and my plans for bobbing it that I have been unintentionally overlooking her. When I first saw Suzi almost two years ago I instantly knew that she was perfect for me. She had that carefree look about her. She was maturing yet young at heart. She was modest yet sleek and sexy. She was and still is a perfect fit for me and I feel terrible that I have been taking her for granted. Obviously I needed to make things right so today I asked if she'd like to go for a little ride... just me and her. She seemed to immediately perk up and I saw that glimmer in her that had been missing. Well, to make a long story short, we had a great time and it didn't take long for the old feelings to be rekindled. I remembered why she is so special to me and I got the feeling she felt the same about me. Things are good between us again and she even posed for a quick snapshot with me when we got back. That's her on the left. Sometimes all it takes is a short 20-mile ride to fall in love all over again!

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December 3, 2005 - THE AWESOME WICKED WEAR SKULL MASK

I'm not one to question the BIG man. Lord knows my life would be in shambles without Him but I gotta ask, why did God create winter anyway? I mean, he must not have any opposition to year-round heat or he wouldn't have created places like Texas, Florida, Arizona, Southern California, er, uh, hmm, scratch that last one, everybody knows God hates California. But, I mean, why the heck do I have to endure this crap for four months a year here in Tennessee while my buddies down in Texas call me up just to rub in the fact that they rode 200 miles today in short sleeves! (&*#@!!) It just isn't fair! If I rode 200 miles today in short sleeves I'd come back looking like Batman after a run-in with Mr. Freeze!

I've tried most everything I know of to get around this biker curse of cold weather. My first plot was to convince my wife that we needed to move to Clearwater but she wouldn't go for it. Some nonsense about our family being here and my job being here and that was more important than riding a motorcycle…Blah, blah, blah… she obviously has her priorities screwed up so my next plot was to convince my boss to re-locate the company to San Antonio. He perked up when I made up something about taxes being much lower but when I couldn't come up with any actual data to back up my claim he told me to get back to work. Strike Two! Dohhh! I'm still working on plot number three but until then, I'm still going to ride. Take that Old Man Winter! Hah..You can't stop me! I refuse to succumb to your evil intentions!

Granted it takes a little longer to get ready these days. On the top, it's three layers of shirts with a leather jacket over them. On the bottom, it's long johns and jeans. (I used to wear chaps but no more! On another day I'll tell you why I'm now boycotting them.) The feet get insulated socks and engineer boots and my winter gloves take care of the hands. But, by far, the most important item is one I just discovered a few weeks ago. It's called a Wicked Wear Skull Mask and it will save your face from frostbite-induced deformation. If you ride where it's cold, you have got to get one! Check them out at www.wickedmasks.com. They're made in the U.S.A. out of two fabrics, one being Neoprene (the stuff used to make Wet/Dry suits) and the other being Polartec, a thin, light- weight, pliable, nylon-type fabric that allows flexibility and movement. They're about 2MM thick, water-resistant and have fleece on the inside for warmth and comfort. And they won't blow up from the bottom on you like a leather bandana will because they're tailored to contour down your neck and tuck into your jacket. They are awesome! I'm finding that most days that I wouldn't have ridden last year are now rideable days thanks to my Wicked Wear Mask. The other morning I shook my fist in the face of Old Man Winter and rode when it was 25 degrees outside. Nothing on my head and face but a beanie helmet and my Wicked Wear Skull Mask…no problem! And NO, I'm not on their pay roll!

I'm still plotting to move to a warmer climate (whahahaha) but I'm finding that with this multi-clothing set-up and the Wicked Wear Mask I might just survive the winter without having to hibernate my big fat butt and my bikes! I'm sure the neighbors get a good laugh when I instantly remind them of Ralphie's kid brother in the movie "A Christmas Story" (you know, the kid that had so many winter clothes on that he fell over and couldn't get back up) but I don't give a crap what they think 'cause I'm going riding! Honey, could you point me towards the bike and give a little push? After all, this is your fault... I could be in Clearwater right now!

Oh yeah, and to all you left-wing-liberal-babysealluvin-politically correct types; the comment in the first paragraph about God hating California was a JOKE!

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